TEAM LAST CALL

Today we are here to say that we were wrong, and we're not just saying that because Dr. Pepper stubbornly refused to mail us a free case after our article came out.

Just kidding. Of course that's why we're saying it.

The problem is that Dr. Pepper has completely failed to grasp the fundamentals of the journalism business, in which Team Last Call is clearly a frontrunner. See, we in the journalism field don't really make what people on Wall Street refer to as "money." Because of that, we are forced to live almost exclusively on free handouts from the companies we write about. Otherwise, like, why would we write about them?

Speaking of which, don't you think that Krispy Kreme doughnuts are the best doughnuts ever created in the history of all doughnuts everywhere? We sure do. If we could, we here at Team Last Call (22 East McGovern Avenue, Lancaster, PA 17602) would eat Krispy Kreme doughnuts for every meal.

That's not to say that companies should be shy about sending free handouts before an article is written. The formula works just as well in reverse: the more willing you are to give out freebies, the more willing we journalists are to write about you. Which explains why Paris Hilton gets so much press. (Nice one!)

Here's an example of journalism in action: A few years ago, Team Last Call dedicated an article to its favorite lunchtime treat, the pineapple chicken wrap. Within a few weeks, an enormous platter of pineapple chicken wraps was delivered straight to our door, free of charge, courtesy of a completely anonymous source (Sandwich Factory). Team Last Call was exceedingly grateful for the kind gesture, and would like to take this time to reiterate that our favorite lunchtime treat is still the pineapple chicken wrap. If anything, it's gotten even more delicious over the years. Just thinking about eating (a free) one right now is making us drool.

That's what we call teamwork, people.

You would think that by this point a corporation as big as Dr. Pepper would know how to play "the game." It's not like we're asking for any kind of special treatment. These are universal rules that every journalist plays by, which explains why Bill O'Reilly spends so much time doing news segments on adult diapers. Or maybe he doesn't. We don't really know. But he probably should, because it would save him a lot of money.

Anyway, this whole situation is a real shame, because Diet Dr. Pepper Berries & Cream Soda had a lot going for it, including an especially long name that really helped with our word count. But we're afraid we've been left with no choice. Dr. Pepper has violated a sacred trust, and for that reason, we are officially stripping Diet Dr. Pepper Berries & Cream of its title as the "greatest beverage ever in the history of planet earth."

Look at it cover its face in shame! That's what you get, Dr. Pooper!

But there is a silver lining to this whole situation. We are pleased to announce that, once we recovered from Dr. Pepper's disgusting show of insolence, we discovered a new "greatest beverage ever in the history of planet earth," one that not only has a great taste, but, we're assuming, is willing to send us free stuff. Ladies and gentlemen, we give you: Glacéau VitaminWater Endurance (Peach-Mango).

Like Diet Dr. Pepper Berries & Cream, Glacéau VitaminWater Endurance (Peach-Mango) has a long name that helps us reach our word count much faster, especially if we keep repeating its name, which is Glacéau VitaminWater Endurance (Peach-Mango).

It also has a delicious flavor that we can't quite put our finger on. It tastes like peach, but at the same time, it somehow tastes like mango. It's like some kind of space-age mango/peach hybrid, like something Captain Kirk would find on the planet Meach in the distant galaxy Pango.

Glacéau VitaminWater Endurance (Peach-Mango) also has six totally different vitamins, which do lots of good, vitaminy things to your body. Dr. Pepper, on the other hand, has aspartame, which has been proven to cause – among other things – diarrhea, hair loss, hives, memory loss, nausea, hearing loss, tremors and death. And stinginess.

Clearly, Diet Dr. Pepper Berries & Cream has met its match. Not only does Glacéau VitaminWater Endurance (Peach-Mango) have a long name, a futuristic taste and an abundance of vitamins, but it totally doesn't give you the runs. Or hives. Or death.

In conclusion, there's a new sheriff in Drink-town, and he's got a delicious, peachy aftertaste. And we here at Team Last Call (22 East McGovern Avenue, Lancaster, PA 17602) couldn't be happier.

Over the course of its last three albums, New York’s Blonde Redhead has morphed from a Sonic Youth-ish garage outfit into an atmospheric art-pop band that marries My Bloody Valentine’s droning guitars with the immediacy and imagination of pre-weirdness Radiohead.
To translate that into radio lingo, imagine Björk covering Coldplay, and then imagine that you just took a fistful of Ecstasy and are being washed away in the disco lights of a smoky nightclub, and that’s what Blonde Redhead sounds like.
The band’s newest release, 23, picks up where 2004’s Misery Is A Butterfly left off – trading in some of the melancholy for a new and curious energy. It’s a real indie-rock stunner, driving but dreamy, dense but not overstuffed, and absolutely cinematic in scope.
“We love film and we love soundtracks. We listen to soundtracks when we write. There’s a beauty in being able to imagine certain things while you write music, imagine pictures, imagine scenery,” explains drummer Simone Pace. “It’s hard to explain because I feel like it’s something that we have in us. I think our music could very well be written for film.”
On 23, the band’s co-vocalists, wife and husband Kazu Makino and Amedeo Pace, trade off spooky, space-trance melodies that wade through thick curtains of guitar. It’s at once firmly melodic and loosely psychedelic. The songs are propped up by Simone’s peppy, off-kilter dance beats, which illustrate just how much influence Blonde Redhead has had on younger NYC bands like Interpol, the Strokes and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.
The album is about as close to a pop record as a band like Blonde Redhead can make without totally bastardizing its sound. The songs are “get-able” on the first listen, thanks in part to a more economical approach to song structure, but on my seventh time through the album I swear I’m hearing songs I’ve never heard before in my life.
According to Simone, who checked in with Team Last Call in mid-July, the songs on 23 are mostly the result of the band members trying to concentrate as much on form as they were on creativity.
“We have a lot of talks before we start writing, actually. We talk about what it is that we want to do with the new album and how different it should be from the previous one. What’s the next stage, the next step for the band?” he explains in a soft Italian accent. “But a lot of it you think you’re deciding, but a lot of it just happens unconsciously.
“With Misery, we made ourselves free and kind of accepted as many ideas as possible that we could put into the music. This record, we kind of just stopped ourselves from going to that place again,” he adds. “We wanted the record to be more direct, but also to leave more freedom for the listener to imagine – without giving him all of the things to listen to – certain things on his own terms, with his own ears.”
Blonde Redhead’s story is almost as compelling as the music itself. The members are an interesting, if not unlikely, match, and their meeting up is nothing short of serendipity.
Kazu was an art student who immigrated to America from Japan to experience a different culture. Amedeo and Simone are twins who were born in Milan, grew up in Montreal and moved to Boston to obtain jazz degrees.
The three met each other by chance in a New York City restaurant. Shortly after that meeting, Kazu began taking guitar lessons from Amedeo. Then they all started a band. Then Kazu and Amedeo got married. And now, 14 years later, all three members still live together in a New York apartment.
“I spend most of my time with a couple, you know, which – you can imagine what that’s like,” Simone says with a laugh. “You really have to understand the situation and be respectful of some boundaries. I’m very close to Amedeo, but it’s a struggle. It’s not an easy thing. But we have lasted for many years now. I think we have a pretty good handle on it.
“Sometimes I feel like, ‘Gosh, I wish I could have my girlfriend with me when I go away,’” he laments. “But I think the trick is to try to find your own place and be happy within that place, and without thinking that somebody else is better off.”
Blonde Redhead has been a critical darling since almost day one, and that’s more than likely the way the band will go down in history. Rocking 60,000 people at Coachella is about as close as they’ll ever get to being an arena act. That being said, the band has a fiercely loyal fan base around the globe of the kind of indie rock kids and art freaks that will stick around as long as the band does.
“We’re always thinking about, ‘How do we improve? How do we get better musically? How do we help our audiences grow?’ But it’s not like we’re in control of the situation,” Simone says. “But it’s a pretty organic way of approaching the whole thing. We have had a really slow growth, but it hasn’t really stopped. It’s been kind of gradual, and hopefully it will keep growing.”